


Royalty Not-AUs

by brawltogethernow



Category: Girl Genius (Webcomic)
Genre: Cheese, F/M, Ficlets, Future Fic, Gen, Humor, M/M, Mad Science, Mechanicsburg (Girl Genius), Multi, OT3, Politics, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-19 07:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22274272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brawltogethernow/pseuds/brawltogethernow
Summary: Royalty AU sentence starters nicked and repurposed for future fic about people ruling things.
Relationships: Agatha Heterodyne & Moloch von Zinzer, Agatha Heterodyne/Tarvek Sturmvoraus/Gilgamesh "Gil" Wulfenbach
Kudos: 52





	1. Silly People

**Author's Note:**

> I forgot to crosspost these [sentence starter doodles](https://brawltogethernow.tumblr.com/tagged/royalty-au-not-au/chrono) for five years.

**"** I am not the true queen - I am merely her body double!”

Agatha slowly lowered her cup of coffee and placed it on the table.

“Then why are you at a diplomatic meeting?” she said.

The queen - or body double, apparently - of Molvitch raised her own cup in front of her face. She seemed - nervous? “Well, you see,” she said, and then stopped.

Agatha debated internally between getting the Castle to intimidate it out of her, or seeming nonthreatening. She decided to start with nonthreatening, then switch to intimidation if necessary.

“Yes?” she said, leaning forward expectantly.

“The queen,” said the woman, looking unwilling to continue.

“Uh huh,” said Agatha, picking up her coffee again. _Look how my hands are occupied, far away from any death rays!_

The body double - she _was_ probably a minion - did look heartened by this, if still a bit jittery. It wasn’t the coffee; Agatha had made sure to balance the chemical levels. “She was, uh, worried about you using her for spare parts?”

Agatha took a sip of her coffee. “Heterodynes don’t do that anymore.”

“Oh,” said the body double, looking relieved.

Agatha put the cup down again. “I don’t suppose _you_ know anything about border rights?”


	2. Curséd Are the Cheesemakers

“You should do something about those revolts.”

Agatha looked up from the torchman she was tweaking. “Which _ones?_ ”

Moloch made the kind of conflicted face that meant he wanted to be incredulous about that remark, but couldn’t because it was actually reasonable. He finally settled on, “The ones not being headed by stupid people you and your boyfriends can take care of. The ones with the _cheese_.”

Agatha put down her wrench with a thunk. “Oh. Those.”

“Yes,” said Moloch, picking up the wrench before the heat from the internal burner could warp it, “those.”

Agatha winced. “Don’t you think we could…” She feebly waved her hands. “Put it off?”

Her chief minion glared at her. “The Guild of Dairymen has put an embargo on the town. _Just_ the town.”

Yes, _but_. “I can’t just let them keep getting milk from monster cows! It’s _unethical!_ ”

Moloch gave her a level look. “Why?”

She spluttered. “Wh-why!?”

He tossed the wrench a few times, swatting the torchman when it tried to catch it. “The milk is normal, right?”

“Well,” said Agatha, “yes.”

“So, what’s the problem?”

“The cows EAT people!”

Moloch made a _tch_ noise. “Only if you _let_ them.”

“That’s _not_ the point!”

She was surprised when he brightened up at that. “Isn’t it though?”

She…wasn’t sure what he was getting at. “What?”

He grinned, looking less beleaguered than usual, though still closer to a hopeful once-kicked puppy than the usual manic enthusiasm you saw around Mechanicsburg. “What if instead of stopping them from using their chief source of product, you help them with their safety standards? Keep people from wandering into the bovine pits.”

“Well,” she said, “that…huh. That could work.”

“Great,” he said, relieved, “because the snail vendors say tourists like more cheese than the town can produce on its own.”

“Yee-es,” she said, resisting the urge to do something juvenile like tap her fingers together, “but, I mean, the cows…”

He looked worried. “What?”

“They’re so… It’s just…they’re so…creepy-looking.”

Moloch blinked, then smirked, tossing the wrench back to her. “It’s okay, m'lady. I think the two of us can keep eating local.”


	3. But, Science?

“Royal balls are such a bore, aren’t they?”

Tarvek looked away from where the dancers in the newly rebuilt Palace of a Thousand Windows were spinning like glittering clockwork to where Gil was leaning against a white marble pillar, grinning—roguishly?—at him.

“You helped me organize this royal ball,” he said.

“Yes, I did,” said Gil, still grinning. “But now I’m having second thoughts.”

“We’re wearing _matching outfits_ ,” said Tarvek. Gil was indeed wearing a gold doublet with white accents to complement Tarvek’s white-with-lemon. Tarvek had designed them. (All three of them together could wear _so few_ colors.)

“Yes, we are,” said Gil. “ _But_ —”

“You said, ‘This party should be enough to distract even the antsiest Spark from wanting to conquer anything,’ and designed the fireworks display!”

“But what if I just got word that Agatha’s made a breakthrough on that project we’ve been working on?” said Gil, waggling his eyebrows.

Tarvek blinked. “The guardian clank?”

Gil was still grinning, but had given up most pretense of non-experimental enthusiasm. “Uh-huh.”

“But its circuits, they were completely fried!”

Not according to Gil’s face. Someday, Tarvek would like to know how he did that with his teeth when he was excited.

Tarvek’s eyes skittered back and forth between Gil and the dancers—science, politics, science—

“A good party doesn’t need its hosts to thrive anyway,” he said, grabbing his friend by the arm and towing him away from the pillar and out of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> Color scheme-wise, Gil is dressed like [the fairytale theater break](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20081210). Tarvek is dressed like [a Storm King reject](http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20130522). There's an extended version of this one that's been in the pipeline for forever, which I will post on its own...eventually.


End file.
